First Impressions
by Fate8
Summary: Lobo lands on Earth and meets the Justice League for the first fraggin' time. Mayhem and needless violence follows. Reviews always appreciated!


_I have found that is very difficult to write a Lobo story which fits into the mainstream DCU. In order to do so, Lobo must be toned down, and the other heroes usually end up getting jobbed. This was my attempt to try and reconcile the two. Let me know how I did_.

The bail jumper fled across the solar system, and the Main Man followed.

Lobo sat astride his Spacehawg 3000 singing loudly, and badly off-key, to the heavy metal music pounding out of the bike's sound system. Every now and again he would raise his head and sniff the vacuum surrounding him to make sure he was still on the trail. The Czarnian bounty hunter could track a skell across a galaxy using his incredibly honed sense of smell. Once Lobo caught someone's scent, he didn't relent until he had hunted down the offending perpetrator. There was his rep to consider, not to mention 'Bo was always in need of extra credits to support his Strongbooze habit and his penchant for the prettiest females in the known Universe.

The Spacehawg roared past planets and asteroids. Nothing which met Lobo's jaundiced eye merited a second glance. There was a whole lot of nothing out here, and the bounty hunter was easily bored. It was soon obvious that he was headed toward the third planet of this system, a world his Galactic Pinpoint System called Earth.

"What a stupid name," growled Lobo. The big blue globe soon grew to fill his vision, and Lobo was sure his target had landed on Earth. He spotted a gleaming tower on the planet's single moon, and he cheerfully gave the place a one-fingered salute for the benefit of anyone who was inside.

Excitement began to course through Lobo's body as he began to descend through the Earth's atmosphere. This hunt was almost finished, and he would soon be up to his butt cheeks in creds and booze. If he were lucky, the pathetic bastich he was about to lay claim on would put up a fight, which would allow the Main Man to work out some of his natural aggression in some unnatural ways.

The GPS told him that he was landing in some place called Las Vegas, not that Lobo gave half a frag. He settled the Spacehawg down in a handicapped parking space close to the curb, crushing flat a small size hybrid car in the process. The bounty hunter hopped down off the bike, and took a look at all the gaping faces staring back at him.

"'Scuse," he said. "My back has been acting up lately." Lobo pointed at a teenager who was standing nearby. "C'mere Clyde." The boy, still in shock over seeing a huge chalk-skinned man with wild black hair and red eyes, and who was dressed like a nightmare version of a Hell's Angel, descend from the sky, walked over on shaky legs.

"You seen Jasper the Weasel anywhere around here?" asked Lobo. "He's a might uglier than you, if that's possible, and he has the annoying tendency to skip out on his bail. No? Ain't seen him?" The Czarnian took out a match and lit it with a swipe across the boy's forehead, and then fired up a cigar held between his lips. "Well, if ya do see him, keep your mitts off him. He's my catch, savvy?"

Lobo took a long drag from the cigar, then turned and snuffled the air. "Ah, there he is," he grinned. "Don't worry Jasper, Uncle 'Bo is coming for ya."

About a half and hour later, Lobo reappeared with a bruised, crying, bloody figure slung over his shoulder. Sirens wailed behind them, and smoke churned from the wreckage of half a block of destroyed real estate that was once a prime piece of Las Vegas.

"Stop your snivelin', Jasper," said Lobo, thumping his prisoner on the head. "You're lucky I don't pulp your head for dragging me to this backward mudball. I ain't seen a good piece of ass on this entire--" Lobo stopped abruptly as a shadow fell over his face. The bounty hunter looked up to see an imposing figure clad in red and blue floating above him. Squinting through his cigar smoke, Lobo saw the man had a big 'S' printed on his chest. The flying man looked decidedly upset, crossing his arms over the emblem. Three other equally unhappy looking figures dropped down behind the man.

"What are you guys, the welcome wagon?" asked Lobo.

"You did this," said Superman flatly.

Lobo cast a glance backward at the smoldering ruins marring downtown Las Vegas. "Well, yeah," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'll admit it's not my best work, but I'm in kind of a rush."

The Martian Manhunter glided up beside the Man of Steel. "You will put that man down, and turn yourself over to us. You will be tried for your crimes by the proper authorities."

The bounty hunter blew a ring of smoke into the air. "That ain't gonna happen, Baldy," he said. "Jasper here is wanted back on Omicron 5, and I aim to collect the reward on his head." Lobo patted the breast pocket on his leather jacket. "I got the paperwork right here."

"Be that as it may," said J'onn. "You will be held accountable for the damage you have done here today. You will not be allowed to leave Earth."

Lobo unceremoniously dumped Jasper to the ground. "I'm trying to be reasonable about this, see," he said. "Now you do-gooders can either step aside, and let me take Jasper here to his just desserts, or I can frag the lot of you, and then take him away. It makes no difference to me, but you're starting to piss me off." Lobo began to twirl the massive hook and chain wrapped around hi left forearm, an expression of menace rising from his blood red eyes. Suddenly, the Czarnian's scalp felt itchy, and it seemed like invisible fingers were trying to worm into his brain.

"Hey, which one of you pinheads is trying to read my mind? Fraggers, I'll show you." Lobo squinted his eyes and a look of intense concentration passed over the bounty hunter's face.

J'onn's eyes shot open and his head snapped back. His normally impassive face was a snapshot of utter surprise and shock. The Martian Manhunter fell to the ground, landing hard on both knees. He buried his face in his hands. "The horror," said the Martian through his fingers, "the horror." He lifted his head to look at Superman. "Don't hold back, Kal-el. This monster's thoughts are awash with acts of blood and barbarism. He possesses no conscious and no redeemable qualities. Stop him at all costs."

Lobo took a drag off his cigar and blew another smoke ring into the air. He watched it break apart on Superman's chest. "That's what ya get Baldy, for peeking where you ain't invited." He sized up Superman, taking in the Kryptonian from head to toe. "So, what's it gonna be, Big Cheese? Are you gonna float out of my way, or do I hafta pull ya down and stomp your spleen?"

"He is not going to have to do either."

The voice came from Lobo's right. He whipped his head around, only to have his jaw meet an incoming fist. The bounty hunter noticed a silver bracelet attached to the wrist of his attacker, but that was the extent of the detail he was able to process before the impact of the blow lifted him up, and sent Lobo crashing through a nearby brick wall.

"Was that really necessary, Diana?" asked Superman

Wonder Woman looked over at the Man of Steel while absently rubbing her knuckles with one hand. "Yes, Clark, it was. This thing was obviously capable of great amounts of destruction. Look what he did to Las Vegas, and it did not appear he was going to listen to reason. We had to…"

Lobo burst out of the collapsed pile of bricks and rubble which had fallen on top of him. "Woo boy, that was some sucker punch! I'll have the guts of the bastich who dared to lay one on the Main Man!" His tirade was cut short when he caught sight of Wonder Woman. "Yowza! Hey, babe," he purred. "I'm willing to forgive you in exchange for an hour in a cheap motel without that swimsuit." Wonder Woman's answer was a snarl of rage, as she smacked her fist into an open palm. "Suit yerself," shrugged Lobo as he shook the dust from his clothes.

"Like, I tried to be nice about this," resumed the bounty hunter, "but you impertinent feebs had to go and make me resort to violence. Not that I'm against that, mind you." Lobo wrapped the heavy chain back around his arm. "Now, let me introduce you to Master Frag!" He reached behind his back and pulled out a machine gun in each hand. The weapons immediately began to spit high-powered bullets toward the heroes. Wonder Woman's wrists were a blur, as she struggled to block all of the incoming rounds with her bracelets. The Martian Manhunter threw himself flat on the ground. Superman, not concerned about dodging firearms, was struck in the torso, and the Man of Steel was blown backwards by the sheer force of the shot. Although the ammunition did not pierce his invulnerable skin, he did careen through a telephone pole and a large billboard.

"Haw, Haw," laughed Lobo. "That'll teach ya, Cheese," he crowed. "Stay down or I'll perforate your liver." He was about to train both guns on Wonder Woman when a huge green baseball bat wielded by a giant emerald Babe Ruth swatted the Czarnian into a large concrete barrier. The bounty hunter bounced off the wall and came up coughing dust. "That is it," he growled, shaking his head to try and clear his senses. "I'm gonna frag this whole place to the ground." He looked up to see a dozen green copies of himself in various stages of combat preparedness. Lobo raised his sights higher and saw a lone figure in the sky surrounded by a soft green glow. "A Green Lantern," barked Lobo. "I shoulda fraggin' knowed it."

He hauled himself back to his feet. "Hey, gangrene," Lobo yelled. "Nobody uses the Main Man's likeness without forking over a hefty license fee. Get rid of these green chumps or I'll frag ya good." Moving as one, the Lobo clones piled onto the original, pinning him to the ground. The emerald dog pile settled, then heaved, and finally exploded outward in a spray of green energy. Lobo leaped up, swinging his hook, and more irate than he had been in at least a week or two. He hacked and slashed his way through the copies, taking a perversely gleeful pleasure in destroying his own likeness. "Suck on that, ya gimp," said Lobo as he punched through the head of the final clone. Finished for the moment, Lobo stuck two fingers into his mouth and whistled. Behind the battle, the Spacehawg 3000 came to life, and quietly elevated itself into the air. "If it flies, it dies," whispered Lobo, knowing the tone of his whistle gave the bike it's orders.

Kyle Rayner was on the verge of deciding to wrap up the psychotic alien below him in a green diaper and bash him over the head with a baby rattle, when alarm bells started to go off in his mind. He halfway turned around when an onslaught of pulsed lasers, high-caliber slugs and rocket-propelled frag grenades slammed into him. Green Lantern was protected by an auto force-shield, which absorbed the blows, but the shock of the assault took him by surprise. A sonic blast took Kyle by surprise, momentarily disrupting his concentration. He backpedaled across the sky, hoping to create some distance so he could gather his thoughts. The Spacehawg 3000 kept up the pressure.

Lobo watched his bike chase Green Lantern through the air. The bounty hunter chuckled darkly. "That oughta keep the creep busy while I deal with these other dweebs." A rushing sound reached his ears, and he turned to see Superman and Wonder Woman flying toward him, side by side, fists outstretched. Lobo reached inside his pockets, and withdrew two frag grenades. He popped the fuses and waited for just the right moment. "Chew boom, do-gooders," he said, flipping the explosives directly into the faces of the onrushing heroes before rolling away. The grenades went off, throwing the two targets in opposite directions. Wonder Woman bounced off a nearby car, and cracked her head on the pavement. Superman careened through a lamp post, and landed face first in a large trash dumpster. He immediately raised up, his eyes glowing red with rage and accumulated heat vision. The Man of Steel was about to take flight again, when Lobo came crashing down on top of him. The Czarnian's fist slammed into Superman's head.

"Didn't like that, did ya, Cheese?" taunted the bounty hunter. Another blow rained down. "You're gonna like this even less." Superman twisted underneath Lobo, and was able to catch his assailant's arm before the next hit landed.

"No, let's see how you like this," said Superman. He unleashed a blazing stream of heat vision, striking Lobo square in the chest. The bounty hunter leaped up and started slapping at his body.

"Ya cheezewit fragger! This was my lucky shirt," said Lobo. "I'll have your spine for that." Superman's response was to launch himself forward and punch Lobo in the jaw. The bounty hunter stiffened, and flew back off his feet like he had been poleaxed. Superman floated down beside the inert Lobo, and bent down to haul him up with one hand.

Lobo, however, was only playing opossum. He let Superman pick him up, then shot his right hand out and grabbed a fist full of Kryptonian family jewels. Lobo squeezed hard, and Superman's eyes bugged out. The bounty hunter stood, and increased the pressure on Superman. "Looks like I owe myself a round o' Strongbooze, Cheese. I was of the opinion that ya didn't have a sack. Now, pucker up, dude." Lobo measured Superman with a closed fist, and then socked the Man of Steel in the nose with all the power he could muster. Then he did it again, and again, and again. "Ya got a hard face, Cheese. I'll give ya that." Lobo looked around, he dropped Superman into the dirt. "'Scuse, but don't go nowhere. I still got some pain to dish out to ya."

Lobo loped over to Wonder Woman who had risen to all fours, and was shaking her head to clear the last of the cobwebs. "Shoulda took me up on my offer, babe," said Lobo. He lashed out with a heavy boot, and kicked the Amazon hard in the ribs. The blow stole the air from her lungs, and Wonder Woman sprawled on the pavement. Lobo stomped his boot down on the side of her head. A maniacal look entered the bounty hunter's eye, and he continued to bludgeon Wonder Woman with vicious boots to the head.

A streaking green meteorite distracted Lobo from his battery. Green Lantern plowed into the earth a few yards away. Kyle had temporarily been overwhelmed by a concentrated assault by the Spacehawg 3000. Lobo had made some drastic changes to the original design of the bike since he had stolen it from its last owner. The addition of several weapons systems was only one such improvement.

"Whoa, mama," said Kyle. "That is one well-armed space bike." He blinked away the last of the neural scrambler attack which had sent him crashing to the ground.

"Hey look," said Lobo as he approached the downed emerald warrior. "It's rainin' green dweebs." He snatched a thick combat knife from his belt, and twirled the handle in his hand. Kyle instinctively put up a force field around himself as Lobo delivered a brutal overhand strike. The tip of the knife penetrated the green shield, much to the surprise of Green Lantern. Lobo leaned forward, and the knife slipped a bit further inside, its wicked point aimed right for Kyle's eye. Cracks appeared in the shield around the edge of the cut. "I heard all of you Oan killjoys had been fragged."

"One is enough to deal with you," said Kyle, trying furiously to shore up his defenses.

"Yeah, big talk from you. Ya fight like a fraggin' girl." Lobo pushed harder on the knife, and it slid in another half-inch. "Do ya know how much I could get for that ring at Billy Took's auction house on Omicron 5? In fact, I could probably get double the creds if I sold it with your hand still attached."

Someone tapped Lobo on the shoulder. "Excuse me."

"Huh?" Lobo turned his head around, and was immediately smacked by J'onn Jones, who had morphed his hand into a diamond-hard hammer. Lobo staggered backward, and rubbed his face with one hand.

"I almost forgot about ya, Baldy, but you won't ever forget the Main Man by the time I'm done cramming boom down yer stinkin' throat."

"I think not," replied the Martian Manhunter. "Kyle." Green Lantern followed J'onn up into the air and both heroes glared down at Lobo from above. "Your rampage ends here, monster."

"Izzatso?" Lobo pulled a battered cigar from his jacket and stuck it between his lips. "Looks like you chumps have got me dead to rights. There's just one question I want to ask ya."

"What?" asked Kyle.

"How do ya stop a Spacehawg on a homicidal strafing run?" No sooner had the words left Lobo's mouth, than the two heroes were pummeled by the space bike, as it roared in firing all of its available weaponry. Green Lantern and the Martian Manhunter were both stunned by the attack. Both were knocked to the ground where they lay unconscious. Lobo snickered, and bent down to pick up one of the blasters he had dropped earlier in the fight. "Just goes to show, ya can't ever underestimate the stupidity of the average do-gooder."

"Lobo!" A new voice cut across the devastation. It was hard, and full of authority. The bounty hunter spun on his heel. He saw a man dressed in a dark cape and cowl holding Jasper the Weasel. One hand was cupped underneath Jasper's chin, while the other was applying firm pressure to the back of the Weasel's skull. Lobo's eyes narrowed.

"Get away from that Weasel, you."

"Don't take one more step, Lobo, or I'll break his neck," said Batman.

"Go ahead, Clyde," said Lobo calmly. "Break away, and I'll string your guts from here to the moon."

"Uh uh," said the Dark Knight. "You need this man alive."

"What makes ya think that, ya no good bastich?"

"If the warrant you carry said dead or alive, your friend here would not still be breathing. If he dies, you will not receive any reward money."

Lobo raised his blaster. "I could take your head off with one shot."

"No, you won't shoot," said Batman. "You may hit the Weasel here, or I'll kill him with my last breath."

"Ya don't have the cajones for that, Earther."

"I do if it gets you off my planet."

Lobo snarled in rage. "Ya got terms in mind, freak-boy? Let's palaver."

"You can have your prisoner back," said Batman. "Only if you promise to leave peacefully, and never come back here."

Lobo thought for a moment, silently stroking his chin with one finger. "Done," he said finally.

"I'll have your word on it, Lobo."

"Ya got it, Clyde, now hand Jasper over to me." Batman reluctantly brought the simpering Weasel over to Lobo who roughly took possession of the bail jumper. The Czarnian stuck his face close to Batman. "Sucker," he said. "I said I'd never come back here, meaning this pathetic city. No loss since it ain't much to look at anyway. But if the Main Man gets another job that leads back to this mudball, I'll be sure to look ya up, butt wipe." He hoisted Jasper over his shoulder and whistled for the Spacehawg to come and pick him up. The Justice League was just picking themselves up from the cruel battle.

Lobo walked by Superman, and without breaking stride, kicked him in the knee, sending the Man of Steel down to the pavement. "Whoops," said the bounty hunter, "musta slipped." Laughing, Lobo hopped on the bike, secured Jasper to the back, and sped away, giving the League another heart-felt one finger salute as he left Earth.

Minutes later, the League was helping to clean up the mess, and taking some time to recover from the fight. Superman floated over toward Batman. J'onn joined them a moment later.

"How did you know he would just take the prisoner and leave?" asked Superman.

"I had some help," replied Batman, nodding at J'onn.

"Forgive me, Kal-el," said the Martian. "I held myself out of much of the physical battle to troll through Lobo's mind while he was busy fighting. I had to wade through some disgusting thoughts and impulses, but I found that Lobo believes himself to be an honorable being, and as such, his word is his bond."

"Him?" gasped Superman.

"Yes. He is a mass of contradictions," replied J'onn. "If did not take much more effort to find out that he needed Jasper alive. We just needed to get him to promise to leave without doing anymore damage."

"Well, I hope we never see Lobo again," said Superman.

"Indeed," said J'onn. "His kind is not welcome here."


End file.
